Yesterday at work a colleague explained to us that his son, at 8 months, had finally taken the bottle. I was immediately drawn in; why is someone giving their 8-month old a bottle?, I wondered. So I asked him, realising immediately that my tone was subtley judgmental. Indeed it was and I regret it. His answer was that their son had been unwilling to drink formula but was now drinking milk, a relief to them. Aware that I was on dangerous, nosey ground, I pressed on: why were you giving him formula? Because he was slightly underweight.
Slightly underweight? I really wanted to pipe up. Breastmilk is all a baby needs! Underweight is a matter of opinion! Formula is just a sugary drink pushed on the medical system by a powerful pharmaceutical lobby! But I said none of those things and stuck to, Hadley was also underweight briefly and now look at her.
And here's where I start to doubt myself. Two days ago I posted my interest in writing a book. The response to that post (not here but on a link I uploaded to my Facebook page) was so varied and skeptical that I have to rethink my plans. Of course not everyone is interested in Attachment parenting. How to talk about my experience as a father without sounding prescriptive and condescending? Maybe I should research more books first.
No, Hadley was never given formula, though a nurse at the hospital tried to peddle it to us. It is a Health Canada policy and position that breastfeeding is THE way to feed infants, up to the age of 3 or more. Formula is not to be encouraged by any health care professional unless the child is severely undernourished. We were lucky; Hadley took to the breast pretty quickly and Alicia produced milk almost right away. Since then, to be sure, Hadley has never stopped wanting to nurse but all children choose to stop at some point. A friend, whose son is a could years older than Hadley, recently told me she was getting worried when he was nursing past his 3rd birthday. Will it ever end? Maybe he's the exception to the rule, she thought. But no, he one day stopped. Their relationship changed, of course, and this is a big part of it, too. Nursing can be exhausting, painful and inconvenient, but it a bond like no other. Mom and child are reluctant to dismiss that early on.
I couldn't just launch into this diatribe at work, though. He didn't seem interested in my opinion and advice. Yet something in me feels it's important to provide supportive education to new parents. I know I needed it and still do. I just wish I could do it without sounding like a jackass.
I know how you feel. I have often stopped myself from speaking my mind when colleagues discuss formula/bottles/sleep training/Disney.
ReplyDeleteLeo lost interest in nursing at two and a half. Now he twirls/pulls my hair instead which is also exhausting, painful and inconvenient (and a bond like no other).