Inheriting a love of food

Something about having a baby has turned me into a kitchen maniac. It started when Alicia got pregnant 3 years ago and we moved in together. She was holed up in the upstairs rooms of our shared house and so I opted to cook all the food. Since then my obsession has evolved into pretty much cooking 99% percent of our meals and trying new recipes all the time and just getting really damn excited about food.
Those who knew me as an early bachelor know that this wasn't always the case. When I first lived on my own - in Hungary and then later in Sandy Hill - I had exactly 2 recipes under my belt. The first was spaghetti and the second was pizza. Both contained absurd amounts of onions and chili and not much else, aside from tomatoes. I ate out constantly but also relied on more creative roommates to provide meals.
I bring this up because I think that there are two factors driving me to want to be in the kitchen all day (this is not a joke, I can putter around the 10X10 room literally ALL day): (1) this impetus for being the 'provider' that I think infects many 2nd parents and (2) wanting to learn and explore and create. I've started trying to involve Hadley in some kitchen stuff but it's not easy at this age. She helps me make muffins by throwing the batter everywhere and she helps me take the seeds out of squash.
My mom - and dad, too - were all about the kitchen. I grew up surrounded by all sorts of interesting food and a love of cooking and baking. My mom tried to get me helping out in the kitchen as often as possible and I remember those days fondly. But what happened when I turned 18 and moved out? I guess I was lazy. Will the same thing happen to Hadley?

Over this past weekend we baked 2 loaves of bread and made chili, beet salad, coconut pumpkin curry, garden salad and mushroom soup. Not to mention 5 pots of coffee and endless cups of tea.

Dina Tune and more

The Little Boss is really coming into her own.
I won't deny that in my life I have been known as someone who manipulates the stereo, no matter the social circumstance. Is this an inherited trait? Hadley now rules the music of the house, in a micro-managing kind of way.

At first she would insist on the artist we listen to: Raffi ("Waffi", French Lady "Fench", African CD, Scary Robot Children, etc. So unlike the old days - by which I mean a few months ago - we can't just say, "hey Hadley, here's a Sharon Lois and Bram album: enjoy". Instead she gets to pick.
Then she started to narrow down the album. In the case of Raffi, she was really focussed on the first album, which she identified by the song near the end about working on the railroad all the livelong day. She called this one "Dina Tune" because at point Raffi cries "Dina!" and Hadley used to love that. The French Lady CDs were divided by colour of the CD itself: yellow, green and red.

But nowadays she decides on individual songs and makes us switch CDs back and forth. So She'll want the "SleepyTime" French song about animals sleeping in the jungle, then she'll want Down by the Bay by Raffi, next she'll want Elmo's Song on the Sesame Street CD, etc. And she gets really irate if we take too long or try and placate her with only one album at a time. This is unacceptable in her eyes. Of course, in today's futureland of musicmaking I could probably just burn all her favourite songs onto one CD and be done with it.

Hadley also associates different songs with different dances, so she'll opt for a 'jumping' song or 'sleepy' song, depending on her mood and dancing spirit.

Educational or just a pain in the ass?

Yesterday at work a colleague explained to us that his son, at 8 months, had finally taken the bottle. I was immediately drawn in; why is someone giving their 8-month old a bottle?, I wondered. So I asked him, realising immediately that my tone was subtley judgmental. Indeed it was and I regret it. His answer was that their son had been unwilling to drink formula but was now drinking milk, a relief to them. Aware that I was on dangerous, nosey ground, I pressed on: why were you giving him formula? Because he was slightly underweight.
Slightly underweight? I really wanted to pipe up. Breastmilk is all a baby needs! Underweight is a matter of opinion! Formula is just a sugary drink pushed on the medical system by a powerful pharmaceutical lobby! But I said none of those things and stuck to, Hadley was also underweight briefly and now look at her.
And here's where I start to doubt myself. Two days ago I posted my interest in writing a book. The response to that post (not here but on a link I uploaded to my Facebook page) was so varied and skeptical that I have to rethink my plans. Of course not everyone is interested in Attachment parenting. How to talk about my experience as a father without sounding prescriptive and condescending? Maybe I should research more books first.
No, Hadley was never given formula, though a nurse at the hospital tried to peddle it to us. It is a Health Canada policy and position that breastfeeding is THE way to feed infants, up to the age of 3 or more. Formula is not to be encouraged by any health care professional unless the child is severely undernourished. We were lucky; Hadley took to the breast pretty quickly and Alicia produced milk almost right away. Since then, to be sure, Hadley has never stopped wanting to nurse but all children choose to stop at some point. A friend, whose son is a could years older than Hadley, recently told me she was getting worried when he was nursing past his 3rd birthday. Will it ever end? Maybe he's the exception to the rule, she thought. But no, he one day stopped. Their relationship changed, of course, and this is a big part of it, too. Nursing can be exhausting, painful and inconvenient, but it a bond like no other. Mom and child are reluctant to dismiss that early on.
I couldn't just launch into this diatribe at work, though. He didn't seem interested in my opinion and advice. Yet something in me feels it's important to provide supportive education to new parents. I know I needed it and still do. I just wish I could do it without sounding like a jackass.

a typical autumn evening

It's been so great hanging out with Hadley lately. Not that I didn't enjoy her company before but these days we really whoop it up.
Last night when I came home from work, she was in the midst of a whine-fit and was giving her Amma - Alicia's mom - a rough go of it. But as soon as I walked in she smiled and we gave each other that look which meant, 'tonight's gonna be awesome!'. Veggie burgers (her favourite, pronounced 'veggie buddha') and yummy fresh potatoes out of the garden. Rolling around on the living room floor, tickling and giggling. Trying on new outfits and then trying to dress the cat up. These are our evenings.
Then Hadley spotted Walter, our neighbour, in his front yard and desperately wanted to visit him. We put on our sweaters and ran to greet him. Uma was there, too, Walter's 6-year old daughter and Hadley's idol. And that was pretty much the evening made for us. Hadley and Uma played for another couple of hours until Hadley was too exhausted to stand.
The end.

Calling all dads

I've been thinking about writing a book for a few months now. The subject would, of course, be about parenting form a father's perspective. What I have to ask myself is: aren't there enough Dad books out there? Would I just be looking for a quick buck like Paul Reiser?
Thing is, as I may have written long ago, there really isn't a whole lot available for the father (or other parent) who chooses Attachment-style parenting, who considers himself a feminist and who wants to explore views alternative to the standard paradigm.
I'll give you an example. Most of my dad friends share the notion that co-sleeping is a positive way to handle bedtime in the family. We don't condone cribs but have found co-sleeping satisfactory to our beliefs in the value of the mother-child relationship.
Within the bounds of books on motherhood, the debate is vigorous and despite the prevailing attitude form the medical system that co-sleeping is dangerous, the matter is far from settled. Moms argue from the gut and I think we ought to listen. Books are published all the time that support both sides of the argument but traditional (by which I mean, 1000-yr old) methods are becoming more and more accepted as doctrine, thankfully.
Now look at the debate amongst fathers. It's not enough that fathers and mothers must hold their discussions separately - as if we are not the same family raising the same child - but fathers simply don't hold these discussions. Or rather, it sure seems that way when I do internet searches or go to the library. By contrast, in person we are very much committed to exploring parenting styles and want to join the fray. But if fathers aren't learning from books, and are perhaps cut off from their partners because of ages-old gender imbalance, who do they learn from? Peers and elders. And I have no doubt that both lean more towards 50s-style parenting, e.g. breastfeeding is not essential, co-sleeping will ruin the sex life, children must learn independence, etc.
I don't want to dismiss these views outright. Instead, I want to introduce an arena where fathers - and mothers and same-sex couples - can hash out the details and really learn about child-rearing philosophy. There are centuries of superstition and outdated models to discard and we need to start now.
So...send me your ideas, your opinions. Who wants to co-sleep in my book bed?

A dog to the mix

We fostered a beagle yesterday.
For a month or so, we've been toying with the idea of getting a dog. Doing the rounds of the SPCA and other adoption agencies, we found that dogs are (a) expensive and (b) rarely ideal companions for a toddler. The closest we came to adopting, oddly enough, was a massive German Shepherd named Papa Buddy, who we discovered at the SPCA down the street. He is 75 lbs. overweight and 8 years old. Despite his very passive - and somewhat depressed - personality, PB presented too big a risk due to the size of his jaws. Even though he was so gentle, he could easily take Hadley's head off with one gulp. Yikes.
Alicia enthusiastically sent applications to all sorts of agencies and the one that got back to us first was a Beagle Rescue organisation. Instead of paying the adoption fee, we decided on fostering first, to see how it goes.

Her name is Chloe. She's pretty Beagle-y, but very good-natured and is calm around Hadley. Hadley, in turn, is being pretty good to Chloe. I think there's always the risk of toddlers pulling dog ears or jumping on them. Hadley's not physical in that way, though she may develop those instincts soon enough. Instead she talks to Chloe (Bow-Wow) and follows her around. Of course, Hadley's fascinated with the elements of Chloe's relationship to us that mimic her own: Bow-Wow Poop, Bow-Wow Food and Bow-Wow Cuddles. These are all words she uses. She can say 'dog' if she really wants to, but prefers her own words instead. Just like she says 'beer' instead of 'water', or makes a gutteral sound (ungh-gngh) instead of saying 'book'.

I worry that Hadley, or we, may get too attached to Chloe and then lose her in an adoption. But this seemed like the wisest way to go about introducing a dog into the family. It's too bad the cats aren't nearly as stoked about Bow-Wow.

Sugar Baby

It seems like the topic of sugar has come up a lot lately in our home. I don't think I've ever really taken the time to work through my own wishes re: Hadley and sugar, though I'm fairly certain I'd like her to avoid it.
Sugar was raised initially when Hadley and I went to a 2-year old birthday party and cake was involved. I had a piece, Hadley saw it, but she showed absolutely no interest in eating. The host, on the other had, was feeling exhausted because her [now] 2-year old had eaten a bunch and was all hyped-up. She expressed regret that her child had been exposed to sugar at so young an age - by other family members - and that she now has a taste for it.
I've never thought of sugar as something you "have a taste for", that is, you don't want it until you've had it. But I suppose there must be some truth to that idea. Hadley has had sugar in some baked goods and cookies but never asks for sweet stuff. In fact, her idea of an awesome treat is a slice of cucumber or a leaf of kale. Doesn't mean, though, that she'll never crave sugar.
Now I have to ask myself what the fear is. After all, I eat sugar from time to time. I know I want to avoid giving her mega-sweets (chocolate, candy, icing) because they can cause an upset stomach. They also rot teeth, make you fat and contribute to poor health later in life (read: cholesterol).
People talk about hyper-activity and sugar, but I'm not convinced. Not to say I don't think sugar partially plays a role but (a) kids are pretty hyper on their own and (b) sugar has never made me hyper.
Oh man, it's really raining hard outside. I'm going to close the windows and finish this later.