We are in Rockland (Winter) Wonderland

Man, it is coming DOWN out there. I can't remember it ever snowing this much in Vancouver. Granted, I haven't been here that long. But still.

It's been hell trying to get Hadley around. Even walking to the bus stop is like hiking the Grouse Grind. The stroller gets stuck and she hardly fits in it with her snowsuit on anyways. What do parents in more wintery climates do? I never really paid attention when I lived in Ontario.
A colleague suggested I get her a sled and that's been much easier. Just strap her in and pull her around. Unfortunately you can't bring a sled into the liquor store.

I guess one of the problems is that it's often just Hadley and me, or Hadley and Alicia. Because one of us is always at work, we rarely get to go out as a family. With two parents, you can spot each other and help keep the kid happy, or at least not freaking out. The other night, I went to pick up our food order from the coop and couldn't get the stroller up the walkway. So then I yank her out of the stroller - clutching the diaper bag and grocery bag at the same time - and both boots come off, along with one sock. It's below zero, she's crying, my hands are full, her boots are in the snowbank...it was a mess. And this kind of thing happens all the time.

I'd like to therefore propose Single Parent (usually mother) Day, a national statutory holiday during which we do a favour or two for our single parent friends. I cannot imagine how hard it must be.

The art of sleep

So before I go any further, here is my top five list of music that helps Hadley fall asleep:

1. Thomas Mapfumo (works 98% of the time)
2. Ali Farka Touré
3. LCD Soundsystem (go figure)
4. José Gonzalez
5. Darker than Blue, a Jamaican reggae compilation

We think she appreciates music that is repetitive and has a bit of a beat. If I rock her to the beat, she is in heaven.

Last night wasn't so easy, though. Usually she's out halfway through the second Mapfumo track but she lasted at least until halfway through the album. It doesn't help that our CD player is a piece of junk and often returns to the beginning of a song over and over.

It seemed like it was her ears. Hadley got the diagnosis of 'ear infection' a couple of weeks ago but the physician said it was just her best guess. The problem, she said, is that Hadley's (and many babies') ear canals are so narrow it's difficult to see if they are infected or not. She's never had one before, but here were the signs: always rubbing her ears, unable to be comforted (especially at night), slight fever. The last 2 have subsided but she still rubs her ears a lot. It's pretty heartbreaking - as you parents know - to watch your baby go through pain and be unable to fix it. I mean, there's only so many times you want to calm her with Baby Advil. That stuff is rough on the system.

In the end, Mapfumo won out. My newest tactic is to lie on my back and place Hadley on my chest, face down. I rock her by gently pushing her bum over and over to the beat. Almost always, she winds down pretty quick. Once her breathing is regular ( I can't see her eyes from this angle), I tip her over to the side and let her nestle in my armpit for a few minutes. This to ease the transition from Dad to no Dad. Eventually I pull my arm out from under her head and adjust her so her head's on a bit of an angle, to let all that snot pour out. I'll save this for another post, but MAN is it hard to get snot out of a baby's nose.

I'm not claiming this is easy. There are moments when I want to scream or abandon her because I'm so frustrated. My thoughts run a mile a minute when Hadley is crying, and they can turn quite dark. Not mean-spirited, but resentful or self-pitying or whatever. But it passes and everything is OK. The best is when I fall asleep, too. Nothing beats waking up beside a baby.

First and welcome

I've just put my daughter "down for the night", as they say, though she never stays "down" and certainly not "for the night". My partner is sleeping soundly beside her and I've tiptoed to the office for those last few hours when dads get to relax.

This blog is something I've been meaning to do for months now. As a new-ish father, I feel like sharing all of my successes, failures, surprises, and mostly just anecdotes to all who care to read. Becoming a dad has changed the way I interact with those closest to me (besides my partner, Alicia); we meet up monthly instead of daily, our activities tend to revolve around the baby instead of around the beer bottle, and the Internet is next to irreplaceable when it comes to keeping in touch.

I believe I've also made some huge alterations to how I live. Just tonight I shovelled the walkway. It snowed in Vancouver the past couple of days and I suspected someone might slip in the ankle-deep slush. I never would have bothered shovelling before, let alone worry about a stranger slipping on our sidewalk. But tonight I kept imagining the grade 4 kids who trudge by our house every morning slip on the un-shovelled sidewalk. Couldn't have that!

And I get excited about shopping for baby clothes! Last weekend I took my daughter Hadley to the local consignment kids' store up the street and spent over an hour browsing the snowsuits and toques. Maybe it's just the Christmas thing getting to me.

In any case, I don't plan on making this blog apologetic for being too fatherly. Indeed, the whole idea is to discuss parenting form the dad's view. I invite anyone to comment or co-blog, if I can figure out how that works. Ultimately, I would like to host a support group for new or old fathers here in Vancouver. My friend James, also a new dad of two children, has offered to help but it all comes down to time. The dads out there know this but plans and aspirations often fall by the wayside because your kid is the ultimate priority. I can go days without showering or doing the dishes simply because she's cranky and I can't leave her alone. But I don't resent a minute of it. Hadley is the joy of my life.

So...stay tuned for more.