Things I didn't know about parenting before it happened to me: #2

#2: Changing diapers is the least of your worries

You hear a lot of stories - many from dads - about diapers. Or maybe you just hear them in movies and on TV. Or maybe you don't hear them at all. But I had the diaper worry and it's come up again recently from a few parents I know who are expecting. Something like, "Sure cloth sounds good but there's no way I'm getting my hands covered in s*** for 3 or 4 years!"
Oh man, if only that were the hardest part! I got over that within weeks of her being born. I can now pick up a turd with my bare hands, toss it in the toilet and I won't even dry heave.
Yeah, Hadley uses mostly cloth diapers but you'll have to deal with poop no matter what you choose. We pick cloth because it's not only affordable and sustainable, but they're so cute! And they give her a big butt! What more could a dad want for his baby?

No, I think the hard stuff is the long-term series of philosophical debates between the parents and between parent and child. Stuff like, where to live? should I send my child to public school? are her friends a bad influence? is she too physical? too intellectual? too anything? I have faith in Hadley to do whatever she wants but these worries pop up regardless, I'm sure.

So don't fret the poop! Or anything else, I suppose.

Is my child a genius?

Over the last couple of months, CBC's Ideas has produced a series of shows about the brains of infants, and how best to educate your child. The major themes that come up include: people learn the most up to the age of 5 or 6, what kinds of learning are the most fruitful, whether cultivating a genius is even possible (or important), and how overall health of the parents affect the child.

Some of these topics resonate with me, of course, given that my daughter is a year old. For example, the discussion of whether educational videos (such as those made by Baby Einstein) hep or hinder brain development is fascinating to me. We don't have a TV but we do have a mini-DVD player on which we play some DVDs for Hadley. I can't comment on how it's affecting her brain directly but I have noticed tat she gets "hooked" and the more she watches, the less she is willing to engage in any other activity that previously she enjoyed. So we cut her off a while ago. And she doesn't miss it.

There;s also the major theme of parents wanting their children to grow up to be geniuses. This does not interest me in the slightest. Sure, I love seeing Hadley reach little milestones, like being able to say words and recognise images, but I don't want to judge her against other children. Maybe it's because I was labeled a genius as a child, or maybe it's because I just want Hadley to be herself.

Today someone said that Hadley was advanced and I felt my throat constrict. I hadn't realised but it's as if I have an aversion to her being a high-acheiver or a prodigy. This will require some more introspection.

Admired by Colleagues

Last night was the annual Dine out for Life, an excuse to eat out and have the participating restaurant donate a portion of its revenues to HIV/AIDS research and care. Of course, my team at work went. They've been immersed in this for about 15 years and are hip to all these events and never fail to follow through.
We went to Cascade (Main/10) and there were about 25 of us. I brought Hadley and Alicia stayed home to relax. It's not often Hadley gets to go to a pub but she was in top form. Lots of cuddles and coos from everyone. And she was pretty patient with the food, too, which didn't come until nearly an hour after we got there.
Yummy polenta fries were her favourite, I think, but she also enjoyed maple-glazed beets.

People always comment on how 'good' or 'even-tempered' Hadley is. I wonder if those are such admirable traits? Not to say that I don't think Hadley is the awesomest, but I'm curious why people seek out and compliment mild manners in a child. Yes, it makes life easier for the parents, but I don't believe that's what raising a kid is all about. I confess I get a little thrill every time Hadley is a brat and throws a tantrum or punches someone.

Things I didn't know about parenting before it happened to me: #1

Things I didn't know about parenting before it happened to me:

#1 The isolation is sometimes unbearable

People often say that when your child is born, your friends show their true colours. I wouldn't put it so harshly, lest I judge myself prior to becoming a parent as well. I mean, you simply don't get it unless you have a baby of your own. That's just the way it goes.
But yeah, it gets lonely. I am extremely lucky to have such a wonderful partner and the bond we've forged since Hadley was born is incredible and irreplaceable. We shouldn't rely on just each other, though, and we try to develop relationships outside the family circle.

- Going out is challenging. It's always nice to have guests. Especially those (you know who you are) who bring food and clean the house for us!

- I know some parents are spontaneous but man, it's not easy. I have come to appreciate the long-term plans with exact times. Totally different than the way I used to be, I'll grant you that.

- Another adage that is oft repeated is that parents tend to hang out with other parents. I think I agree, and it's practical form the point of view of the kids. Hadley prefers the company of those her age. But what if none of your close friends have kids? I don't want to lose them.

- The onus is ultimately upon me (us). Over the winter I've made some huge leaps in terms of what I do with Hadley on the weekends and how to make our time fun and busy and social. It requires considerable mental energy to push myself to just get out and call people and go to places she's never been and introduce her to new people. But it's so so so worth it.

Toddlers, or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Mess

I'll admit, it's taken me longer than it should have. I mean, I've known for months now that it's simply impossible to keep your house clean when you have a young child. But still I kept up the fight, the stubbornness and the frustration. I'd like to think I've grown as a person now. I am one with the dirt.

The first thing to go was the chores that we never really did that often anyway, like vacuuming the carpet or cleaning behind the toilet. Now those things may get done once a month, if at all.

The second thing to go was keeping things put away. I mean, what's the point of always putting books back on shelves if she's going to just yank them out within the hour anyway? Might as well leave all your belongings - clothes included - on the floor.

The third thing to go was the daily chores. This was probably the hardest thing for me to get over. Doing the dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor, laundry, etc. These are all things I obsess over, or at least I used to. But right now I can see a pile of lentils on the kitchen floor, an egg stain on the stovetop and some dirty socks on the floor. And instead of cleaning, I'm blogging! See how far I've come?

Finally, we've lost all sense of personal hygiene. Not only do we not shower every day, or remember to apply deodorant, but I think Hadley has some banana on her cheek from last Tuesday. Oh well.

Is this zen? I know I feel calmer and more well-adjusted. Letting go has freed up more time to go outside and play in the park or just run around the house in diapers (Hadley, not me), knocking things over. Inner peace.