Lil' Karl and the river of lies

This may come across as provocative but that is not my intention.

I've been struggling since Hadley was born with how to present religion to her. I would, of course, like to instill in her some of the same values that we have as parents. We're spiritual but do not in any way believe any religious teachings. I feel that Hadley ought to approach everything in life with an open but critical mind, and this includes religion. But we certainly don't want to make the mistakes that many/most religious parents make, which is to force a belief system upon their child. Hadley can make up her own mind and we will cheer her on.

Here's the conundrum: we can't simply sit back while she's 3 and let her decide. First, she's way too young to make sense of religious propaganda and she's way too young to examine it with scientific rigour. Second, in North American society - as we all know - the overemphasis on Christianity shifts the balance of power of persuasion. Hadley will not stand a chance and likely faces the same existential/atheist crisis that I had at the age of 7. Icons, stories and churches abound. There is not the same amount of compelling "stuff" for non-believers, because we don't feel the need to convince ourselves or others. (This, of course, replicates the age-old right wing vs. left wing information battle).

So what do we do while she's 3 years old? Here's an example, if I'm being too rhetorical at this point. So we're walking through the mall to the grocery store and Hadley sees two huge images hanging on the wall: Santa and Jesus. They are side by side and form a part of some Christmas display. Hadley naturally asks who they are. My answer to "who is Santa?" I will deal with in my next blog post. But as for Jesus, up to now I have been referring to him as Lil' Karl. I just don't want to get into it with her before she can really understand the history of Christianity and the history of resistance to religious oppression. It's not my place to bombard her with my beliefs but nor is it responsible to give her the Christian interpretation so early on in her vulnerable life.

So I just call him Lil' Karl and she shrugs, and walks on. If I had said, "that's Jesus", the name may have stuck with her. Since 'Jesus' comes up in conversation more often than 'Lil' Karl', she is likely assimilate what she hears about Jesus more easily. She will begin to ask more questions and hear more stories about divinity and resurrection and stuff like that. Which is fine, if she's ready to process these stories as stories and not truth. I don't think she's ready. And it's very hard/painful to un-believe once you have been brainwashed.

Believe me, I WANT Hadley to ask questions and I want to tell her the truth. I feel terrible about telling her a lie by calling that long-haired white man Lil' Karl. But he's certainly not Jesus either. Jesus the Jew. Jesus the scruffy desert-dweller. Jesus who would have died at 32 anyway because that was the life expectancy 2000 years ago. No, that's not Jesus but it's some false image that gets forced onto young children everywhere. I simply cannot explain the concept of lies and propaganda to a 3-year old. So I am forced to choose a lie to tell her. Either I replicate the Jesus lie, or I invent a new one. I could say, "I don't know" but then she'll just ask someone else. So for now, that guy is Lil' Karl. It was meant as a joke but you can tell my reasons are serious indeed.

Long live Lil' Karl!

Garden glory

Summer is when Hadley gets all her vitamins. D and E from the sun, C and B from all the fruit and vegetables.

She has always been more interested in fresh harvest than store-bought or straight-from-the-fridge produce. In this I think she is exhibiting her instinctual gatherer self, who picks what she needs and lets the rest grow. Sadly we need to pick it all or it will freeze in a couple of months.

The last two nights Hadley ate almost her entire dinner while prancing through the back garden:

purple runner beans
snap peas
blackberries
strawberries
kale
carrots
parsnip
nasturtium

This is why our garden is so haphazard and jam-packed. It's hard to specialise when there's so much variety to munch on!

Jump in the Water

I'm trying to turn Hadley into a water baby. I grew up with a fear of water, swimming, pools, and I have never really lost that. I avoid beaches whenever I can. It comes, ironically, from forced swimming lessons. So I am acutely aware that if I push it on her, Hadley could react the same way.

But so far she loves it. I mean, to a point. She's not going off diving boards or anything. But nor would i want her to right now. She just loves to splash and run and get her feet wet. Really, it's almost her favourite thing to do in the world. We're lucky to live in an oceanside town, where she can just tear up and down the beach in her birthday suit and scream at the top of her lungs.

I'm even beginning to loosen up a bit, too. This fall I plan on re-taking swimming lessons while Alicia and Hadley wade in the kids area. Maybe one day I'll actually be able to teach my daughter how to do the front crawl.

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Toothpick races in the rain. Best way to spend an afternoon.

Nausea

I just got back from a 5-day trip to Toronto to attend this summit. It's been 5 or so years since I was last there, long before Alicia and Hadley. Long before I missed anyone this much.
It's the greatest length of time I've ever spent away from my own daughter.
I had thought I could do it and that I would have more than enough to occupy me while gone. Alicia finds it difficult to be away from Hadley for any period but up to now I hadn't missed her so much that my stomach hurt. This time changed everything.
I don't mean to be melodramatic.
OK, so maybe I do.
I was pretty much attacked throughout my trip with these bouts of emotional pain, the kind that reminded me of when I was 18 and couldn't bear to be away from a certain girl. What made it all the harder was that I kept being exposed to other children: at the conference, at Shalini's house, and just random kids on the subway.
Do you know this feeling? I just wanted to reach out and cuddle these random toddlers. I missed, at a deep and visceral level, the physical bond I have with my daughter. I ached. I was miserable.
It didn't help that I was reading this book on attachment parenting the whole time. In it, the authors stress the unique link between parents and children, that doesn't really exist anywhere else in life. Tell me about it, I thought.
Next time, I'm bringing the family with me.

I'm gonna ger you, Papa!

Hadley can make me laugh like nobody else can. Real, gut-busting, teary-eyed, raw throat laughing. These are the kinds of guffaws that have come not often enough in life: with buddies in my teenage years, some childhood friends, mostly with my mom when I was a young 'un.

For a while now, we've known that Hadley is hella ticklish. Under her neck, on her legs, wherever. We can make her scream with glee and she keeps coming back for more. But it's when she turns on me that I totally lose it. Not always, mind you. But once in a while she corners me and attacks all my tickle spots at the same time. Then I erupt into squeals, which makes her want to keep doing it more and more.

Last night she figured the best way to get back at me was to lick my face until I pissed myself laughing. My neck, my forehead, none of it was off-limits. I laughed so hard my belly hurt, which got her laughing, in turn causing me to laugh more, etc.

It's in these moments I feel this real connection of visceral understanding between us. Sound corny? What I mean is that we can provoke a very deep response in the other person without using words. We know eachother's "buttons". This is a parent-child thing, I'm convinced. I remember this feeling with my parents when I was small, and Hadley will probably remember these moments later on, in vague and thick ways.

To sum up, my daughter is awesome.

Wynken, Blynken and Nod

I just got a CD for Hadley that I had as a kid in record form.

It's called In Harmony, a Sesame Street compilation from the late 70s with James Taylor, the Doobie Brothers, Bette Midler, Dr. John and a bunch of other corny music. Thing is, I love it!

And because I've told Hadley that it's hers, she likes it too. She calls it her 'sharing music' because there's a song with Ernie & Cookie Monster about sharing. Kind of an 80s reggae thing.

Anyhow, awesome. Anyone who wants a copy just let me know and I'll burn it.

I'm trying to find the sequel - with Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen - but it hasn't been re-released.