Friendships

We are nearing the middle of our third year on the Sunshine Coast.  It's our third house, I just got my third job since moving here and I'd like to say we're onto our third baby.   OK, I'm drinking my third beer of the night instead.
I got laid off a little over a month ago and it's given me pause to reflect on what Hell we're doing here in the first place.  Questions like 'should we move back to the city?', 'is this really the place for us?' and 'why is sushi so expensive in Gibsons?' are bugging me daily.  I have luckily managed to secure a part-time job at St. Mary's Hospital in Sechelt and am now commuting to Vancouver another 3 days a week.  This, too, has shaken me for reasons I'll explain.
Since moving here I have felt lonely and, by extension, lonely on behalf of Hadley.  It's not that there aren't lots of people our respective ages here.  And they're mostly completely wonderful to boot.  Instead my issue is with our place in the scheme of things, or within the social network (not the online kind).  And this is very hard to define.
Our family has been welcomed with open arms by so many incredible people.  We have shared in birthday, holiday and other gatherings.  I mean, we were even encouraged to move next door to some pretty awesome folks.  Which we did.  No regrets.
So what's my problem, anyway?  As Alicia can attest to, I need to be needed.  This is a deep insecurity but it defines me.  And I am pretty sure Hadley is the same way but I am trying not make assumptions about her based on my own personality.  'Needed', to me, means being both essential and commonplace.  A friend who is 'needed' is invited to hang out 5 nights a week because the comfort level is so high that any other situation would just be unusual.  For adults at my age, getting this sense of being 'needed' occurs less and less.  I have come to not require this of every relationship but I admit that I miss it.  Still, it has to be there somewhere in my life outside of the close family: be it at work, with friends or in some other context.  I have managed to find it in professional bodies like unions and associations where we share a common purpose.  It's hard to explain and I know drives Alicia crazy because I am bound to these groups by many commitments.  But without them I would not be 'needed' and that would be way, way worse.

Now Hadley is a different creature altogether by virtue of her age, her gender and her complex being that is utterly unlike any other human.  However, she very clearly craves being 'needed' by her peers.  Or rather, a better way of putting it is that she becomes very attached to certain people.  These attachments tend to happen instantly and last over many years.  Which is incredible considering she is only 5.
Alicia and I are generally all-too-happy to foster these attachments if possible.  The fly in the ointment is other parents.  When I don't get invited to hang out 5 nights a week, I suck it up.  But Hadley doesn't.  She pines and she is confused.  She's perhaps, thankfully, too young to be hurt but she knows that someone is starkly missing from her day.
I struggle with Hadley not getting called to play more often.  There, I said it.  Is it her?  Is it us?  Are we too new to the Sunshine Coast?  Are we annoying?  Is is the very fact that we want so badly for Hadley to have deep friendships that puts people off?  Once a week or once every two weeks is not often enough in the life of a five-year old.  Didn't you have best friends at that age who you saw every day?  Hadley deserves the same.  What's especially hard is when she and another girl make it very clear that they want to hang out every day but that girl's parents don't reciprocate. 
I sometimes wonder if it's better for Hadley to simply stop seeing friends like this because it is soooo hard on her when she's not with them every day.  But that's not my role as a parent.  I can't terminate friendships just because other parents are clueless.  But what can I do?  How can I support my kid?

The reason I mention getting a new job in the city is because of how I have been treated there.  For nearly three years I have endured backstabbing, politicking, pettiness and derision at the mental health team in Sechelt.  I have come to expect that from a workplace and forgot that it could be different.  At my new job in Vancouver, everyone is warm and welcoming.  I feel valued and I feel important.  Most of all, I feel needed.
Which leads me to wonder, have I just been settling for less on the Sunshine Coast?  Could life be different for Hadley if we moved?  Would we find other parents to be more responsive to her attachments?
I think we're going to give it more time.  Summertime is here and everything feels better in the sun.
I'll let you know.